I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
