im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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