bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
