Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
