Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
