what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
