If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you win again, gameday.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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