I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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