8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
