fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
