If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she peed on how many people?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
