Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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