hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
