wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
