Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize