my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
