see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
