im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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