i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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