Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
