whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
