You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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