Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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