I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
