I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
