put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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