She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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