I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
