The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
