I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
