He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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