The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
