Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
