omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
