She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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