is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
