turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
