just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
