I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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