i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
