I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
