Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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