Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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