I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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