dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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