I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
