I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
