; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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