just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
