He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
