I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
