Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
