What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
