Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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