Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
