I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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