I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
