Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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