one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize