took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
