whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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