Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
