I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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