I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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