Screwed.edu
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
