Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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