You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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