I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
