It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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