he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
