Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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