My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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