I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
