so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
