so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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