i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
