ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
